Female 1: Western cultures hold that monogamous marriages protect women, but societies that
practice polygamy, like Saudi Arabia, say letting a
man have more than one wife is a better way to
organize relationships. NPR's Julie McCarthy traveled to Saudi Arabia to discover some unlikely
defenders of polygamy; detractors, too.
Female 2: Saudi women's rights advocate Radha Al Hooti says in a tradition-bound society such as hers, polygamy is practical. Even if you have a PhD degree, she laughs – and she does – you have to have a man, she says. And Al Hooti says for divorced Saudi women like herself, being a second wife is a chance for a second life.
Female 3: For a divorced woman – huh, for a divorced woman who has her first life, she has her children, and she works, she's educated, and she want to be by herself most of her life, you know? I am not younger that I can stick with a man 24 hours, but I still need a man for company, for like part - time husband, for my needs.
Female 2: Al Hooti says if Saudi society were more open to women pursuing careers, marriage would be less of a priority. Yet even career women, she says, are eager to become the number two wife because of ticking biological clocks.
Female 3: Two of my friends in my office – two of them, they are not married and they are over 40, very close to 50. They want to be married because they want to be a mother. That's not a sexual need. They want to be a mother.
Female 2: The decision to become a second wife is shot through with a pragmatism that may surprise westerners. Al Hooti says before marrying as the second wife to the mayor of Jeddah she spent a long time observing him and how he treated his first wife, who is ill.
Female 3: He takes care of her, and because of that I liked him. I knew about how much he loves his wife, and I thought maybe this man, he can give me some of his kindness and I'll be safe to live with him.
Female 2: When asked what the first wife thinks, Al Hooti demurs, saying, "You'll have to ask her." It is generally understood that first wives detest their husband taking a second wife, and many are emotionally traumatized by it. Al Hooti acknowledges the jealousies but says Islamic teachings urge women to try to overcome them. A PhD in the teachings of the Prophet Mohammed, Al Hooti offers the example of Mohammed and his nine wives.
Female 3: And Prophet Mohammed, when one of his wife felt jealous from the other wife, he didn't punish her. He just taught her that this is a jealousy. This is how her – how you express yourself as a woman.
Female 2: Saudi attorney Alam Bassam says there's a simple solution for the unhappy wife in a polygamous marriage.
Male 1: If a woman who is married to her husband does not like it, she can simply remove herself from that household. She's not forced to stay in this kind of household.
Female 2: Newspaper columnist Abir Mishka says while divorce is an option, it's not an attractive one. The law favors men taking custody of the children. Mishka says a woman whose husband wants to take a second wife generally has little recourse.
Female 4: At the end of the day, she's trapped. I mean, unless she's a rebel by nature and she doesn't mind having to break away with the tradition and just say, "No, I don't want that, that's it, I'm not gonna be treated like this."
Female 2: Polygamy has been practiced for thousands
of years, well before Islam allowed Muslim men
to take up to four wives. King Solomon had hundreds. Experts in Islam say that polygamy, while
permissible, is not necessarily preferred. The Quran says if a man does take more than one wife, he is
obliged to treat them equally, not preferring one over the other. The Quran also instructs the man who
fears he cannot act equally to marry only once. Jeddah-based reformer and religious scholar Abdul
Rachman-Shimiri says the practice of polygamy in Islam arose at a time when there was a surplus of
women because of wars. Today, he says, polygamy is
little more than a license for men to satisfy their
lust.
Male 2: Unfortunately the use of polygamy is almost an abuse, to the extent that some people called it legalized prostitution. It's a sort of a societal concern.
Female 2: Defenders of polygamy say it reveals the practicality and social flexibility of Islam. But any suggestion that a woman be allowed four husbands seems a bit too flexible. Men interviewed said it could raise doubts about paternity. And Radha Al Hooti says women just aren't equipped to have more than one husband.
Female 3: No way. The women always feel loyalty to the one she loves. She can't be with the other. She just love this man, until she hates him.
Female 2: These days many Saudi families do stipulate that their daughters can only marry on the condition that the man renounce the right to take another wife. Even second wife Radha Al Hooti bristles at the idea that her daughter's husband might take a second spouse.
Female 3: I'll be very angry, you know, but for a divorced woman, this is a very good way.
Female 2: And Al Hooti says polygamy is less hypocritical than taking a mistress, as many men in other cultures do. Julie McCarthy, NPR news.
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